Rambler Rabbit Hole
A little spiritual practice, death and dying, inspiration and fun
I’m not sure why, but I’m feeling the need to bring back the Rambler Rabbit Hole. Many moons ago I intended to make this a regular digest post.
But then, shit happened, my ma got cancer, more shit happened, then my ma died, then more shit happened and more shit on top of the wrap up of all the other shit.
As my ma would say, “Shit happens!”
She clearly was a closet Buddhist 🤣🪷🤔
When I started posting again, the Rambler Rabbit Hole didn’t seem right…didn’t make sense…felt awkward…seemed stupid and silly…no longer felt like me.
I don’t know if it fits me today, but I’m gonna post it anyways. I’m sharing what has brought me value and may bring you value. Dharma talks, comfort, inspiration and fun I’ve been sharing with my friends privately.
ME:
MY FRIENDS:
Happy rambling! And yes, feel free to comment with the gun emoji.
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.
Morpheus, The Matrix
Spiritual Practice
Recently the algorithm Buddhas brought me to the American Zen teacher Charlotte Joko Beck. I knew of her as the name was archived in a note on paper or in email or Google Doc about a year and half ago.
I kept telling myself to listen. I kept ignoring till I forgot her name.
Then one of her dharma talks popped into my feed. I remembered the archived note. It was time to hear her wisdom and have the onslaught of Joko Beck videos in my feed.
Those algorithm Buddhas like to control.
Plus, I sprinkled a little Jimmy Dore. Wisdom comes in many forms. Sometimes the unexpected forms has the greatest wisdom.
Joko Beck Dharma Talk (4): “Stages of Practice”
One of the best descriptions of the process of spiritual practice I’ve ever heard.
Joko Beck Dharma Talk (3): “Sitting Practice”
I love, love, love her concept about sitting meditation. This has been my experience and what hooked me into meditation. My world completely opened once I discovered what meditation was versus my thoughts about meditation.
Jimmy Dore Explains His Journey from Pot Head to Sober
I kept shaking my head “yes” over and over and over listening to Jimmy. He has found much through Carl Jung’s teachings. I smiled lovingly and joyfully when he spoke truth about needing shit to grow roses. Sounds a little like “No mud, no lotus” to me.
Death and Dying
For a couple years now, I’ve been meditating on death and dying. They say this is where your meditation practice will turn towards if you continue to dive deep. They say it’s the hardest.
And yet, the most rewarding if you can learn to die before you die, become at ease with impermanence, experience the fullness of life by touching death.
I was struggling with fits of rage and deep sadness and regrets of past choices and wasted time while touching the preciousness and vulnerability and beauty and gratitude and love available in every moment.
What I never considered, was holding the preciousness of another’s life. My ma became that teacher to me.
Needless to say, I’ve been listening to many talks on death and dying to guide my grieving process and continue to look death in eyes.
Frank Ostaseski - The Five Invitations: What Death Can Teach Us About Living
Frank is a co-founder of the Zen Hospice Center in San Francisco as well as a friend of Ram Das and Jack Kornfield. Seems silly it took this long to hear his wisdom. And yet, how it goes.
He spent much time tending to the dying, specifically those society tends to throw away. He shares the wisdom gained from many years of turning towards death and his dying gurus. I’ve found much comfort in his words as I grieve my mom.
Surrender to Death: Dharma Talk with Frank Ostaseski
Let’s take a moment to breathe together
Welcome to Hospice Nurse Julie
I highly recommend this channel for diving into the dying process as well as caretakers. Reflecting over the last months with my mom, this information is what we as a family needed. It is none of what was given to us until her last days.
We had the best experience you can with hospice. I’m forever grateful for the care, patience and explanations provided by our Dunes Hospice crew.
But, receiving information about the dying process from hospice was too late in my personal opinion. My mom was going through the dying process for some time before we were alerted.
Why didn’t her oncologist or ER doctor or therapists or nurses or hospital doctor share this with us?
What tending, love and patience could have been given if we knew?
What words would have been said if we knew?
Why was the discussion of death avoided, skirted around, pushed off till later?
I don’t ask these questions as regrets. Though, I did may still did have some anger and deep sadness to release from our experience.
I ask to remember the next time I’m staring death in the face whether it is mine or another.
Hospice Nurse Julie videos have brought me comfort as I receive deeper explanations and understanding. I don’t feel so crazy for choices I made during the time with my mom. I have had many thoughts of doubts and guilt about how I tended.
On some level, I did know. Now the thoughts I’m observing are the ones for not standing up more, asking more questions, speaking openly about death with my family and mom.
And yet, it all unfolded as it needed to for all of us. My scars will become my truth in death.
Inspiration
It’s hard to not get consumed by all the war and division. I’ve been turning to Thich Nhat Hanh for inspiration, specifically his Israeli Palestinian Retreat in 2003.
How do we get both sides to see each other as brother and sisters and not enemies?
How do we find courageous leaders willing to deeply listen to the other side?
How do we release the fear and anger in our hearts to stop war?
I don’t know, but maybe Thay will guide us.
Here is the Israel Palestinian Retreat at Plum Village Youtube playlist.
Just for Fun
Because this is one of my favorite BTE songs and they didn’t play it at the concert. Plus, a little The Weekend and Sublime and “Feel Good” Gorillaz cover. Come on, it doesn’t get much better than this!
